


We've Got  to Stop Meeting Like This

by Captainwittyoneliner



Category: Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Darcy Lewis, Awesome Kate Bishop, Bucky Barnes Feels, Clint Barton & Kate Bishop Friendship, Clint Barton is the meme lord, Crack, Dacy lewis sets Hydra on fire, Darcy Lewis & Steve Rogers Friendship, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, Feels, Friendship, Hello kitty edits of the avengers, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Protective Bucky Barnes, kind of, steve's dorito sized torso, the cliche of bucky sneaking up on everyone unintentionally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captainwittyoneliner/pseuds/Captainwittyoneliner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Esquire,” Darcy Lewis, intern to Doctor Jane Foster, assistant to Pepper Potts, and all around good gal adds.</p>
<p>“Esquire,” the man named Steve Rogers concedes with a nod and a grin. The Winter Soldier doesn’t think ‘esquire’ is actually part of her title. Bucky Barnes adds it on in their head anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1,2 Buckle My Shoe

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I once started out to walk around the world but ended up in Brooklyn](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2026827) by [suzukiblu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukiblu/pseuds/suzukiblu). 



> The work that inspired this is so much better and a hell of a lot funnier. Mine is a bit more serious. Which is unfortunate. Please alert me to any error you find because this is un-beta'd and I didn't really check to make sure everything was correct. I apologize in advance for any bad or inaccurate characterization.

     The first time the Winter Soldier meets Darcy Lewis—in the common room of avengers’ tower, dancing around (poorly) to a song only she can hear—he dismisses her as not a threat and not a useful asset. Bucky Barnes agrees and would like to add that she has an amazing pair of tits. Winter Soldier argues that this fact is irrelevant even if it is true. For her part, Darcy Lewis catches him watching, smiles brightly, and pulls out the white cords trailing up to her ears.  
     The man named Steve Rogers smiles at her from his spot beside Winter Soldier and introduces her as Darcy Lewis, intern to Doctor Jane Foster, assistant to Pepper Potts, all around good gal.  
     “Esquire,” Darcy Lewis, intern to Doctor Jane Foster, assistant to Pepper Potts, and all around good gal adds.  
     “Esquire,” the man named Steve Rogers concedes with a nod and a grin. The Winter Soldier doesn’t think ‘esquire’ is actually part of her title. Bucky Barnes adds it on in their head anyway.

     The second time Winter Soldier meets Darcy Lewis (esquire), she’s hiding inside of the kitchen cabinet. Winter Soldier did not think she was flexible enough to fit in the small cabinet. He reconsiders this as, clearly, she is. She puts a finger to her lips in the universal sign of ‘be quiet’. Bucky Barnes quirks an eyebrow at her.  
     “Shh,” she whispers unnecessarily, “I’m hiding from Clint.”  
     The Winter Soldier wants to ask why but is not used to asking questions and so he does not. Bucky Barnes must show some confusion because Darcy Lewis (esquire) gives him an answer anyway. Sort of.  
     “Two words. Tinfoil. Penises,” and then she reaches for the cabinet door and closes it before Bucky Barnes or the Winter Soldier can process this information. They let it go.  
He doesn’t have time to open the cabinet back up and get the bowl he needed in the first place because the nearby ventilation cover opens near-silently and out slithers a near-silent Clint Barton.  
     He is covered in small, shiny cocks.  
     Bucky Barnes bursts out laughing and Winter Soldier grudgingly admits that this is very amusing. Clint Barton does not seem as amused.  
     “Do you know where Darcy is?” Clint Barton asks, a look of sworn vengeance on his face. Bucky Barnes subtly leans on the counter in front of the cabinet Darcy Lewis (esquire) is hiding in under the guise of catching his breath, guarding it from Clint Barton.  
     “Can’t say that I do,” Bucky Barnes answers, still smiling. Clint Barton narrows his eyes. The Winter Soldier narrows his right back. They stare at each other for approximately twenty-five seconds before the archer straightens and crosses his arms.  
     “Fine,” he concedes, “but if you see her, tell her she’s on my list…” The Winter Soldier takes note to find out which apartment Darcy Lewis (esquire) lives in and check its security measures even though Bucky Barnes assures him that this is just a harmless joke. A prank war. The Winter Soldier doubts that any war is harmless. Bucky Barnes agrees.  
The archer narrows his eyes at them one more time before leaving the kitchen. From the hallway the Winter Soldier catches the loud, uncontrolled laughter of Steve Rogers. Bucky Barnes smiles again. He’d missed the sound of Steve Rogers’ laughter.  
     Steve comes into the kitchen wiping tears from his eyes.  
     “Whoo, boy. Did you see Clint? Please, tell me you saw Clint.” He chuckles while thumbing over his shoulder. Bucky Barnes nods, grinning from ear to ear.  
     “I’m guessing Darcy did that,” Steve continues, “Oh, man. Clint really didn’t know what he was getting into with this, huh? Hey, where is Darcy anyway? JARVIS?”  
     “Miss Lewis is in the common floor kitchen, Captain Rogers,” the cool British voice informs them. Steve looks around confused. Bucky Barnes smiles again and the Winter Soldier confirms that Clint Barton is far enough away that he can now give away Darcy Lewis’ position without putting her in danger.  
     Bucky Barnes takes two steps to his left and opens the cabinet behind him without looking.  
     Bucky Barnes wishes he had a camera to capture the look on Steve Rogers’ face right now. Steve Rogers starts laughing again as Darcy Lewis (esquire) crawls out of the cabinet and stumbles to the floor with the help of Bucky Barnes. She rights her clothes and sends Bucky Barnes a wink before scurrying away. Steve Rogers high-fives her on her way out.


	2. 3,4 Shut the Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Um.” Bucky Barnes says.
> 
> “Relax, Barnes, you need to see this. It’s mandatory for all Avengers members.” She says eating more chips and looking towards the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, god. Please forgive me for I have bandwagoned.

     Bucky Barnes sees Darcy Lewis again a few days later as Natalia drags her into the gym. He and Steve are over by the free weights, finishing up their daily routine. The intense look on Natalia’s face alarms Bucky Barnes for a split second before the Winter Soldier remembers that if Natalia wanted Darcy Lewis harmed, Darcy Lewis would already be breathing through tubes in a hospital. Neither Bucky Barnes nor the Winter Soldier are fond of the mental image.  
     “Natashaaaaaaaaa,” Darcy Lewis groans, futilely pushing at Natalia’s hand on her wrist and dragging her feet. It is very ineffective. “I’m in shape! Round is a shape!”  
     “Darcy,” Natalia reasons calmly, “you live with the avengers. One of your best friends can rip holes in space and holds the answers to the universe. ‘In shape’ isn’t enough. You need to be trained.”  
     “Okay, but, like, why can’t Steve do it?” Darcy Lewis asks, waving the hand not currently in Natalia’s steel grip at the two men across the room.  
     “Because he’s too soft on you and you would steamroll him. Also, you would probably grope him inappropriately any chance you got.” Behind him, Steve chokes a little. Bucky Barnes is almost 100% certain his entire face is crimson. The Winter Soldier thinks the odds are probably more along the lines of 89.6%. Bucky Barnes rolls his eyes.  
     Darcy Lewis grumbles petulantly but doesn’t deny the claim and concedes to working out with Natalia for an hour. She follows Natalia’s lead with only minor complaining. Natalia has a warm smile on her face the entire time. The Winter Soldier considers this.  
     At the end of their workout, the two women cool down with a short yoga session. When Darcy Lewis goes into the downward dog pose Bucky Barnes nearly drops the weight he’s putting away on his foot. He catches Steve smirking at him and elbows him none too gently in the ribs. Both Bucky Barnes and Winter Soldier find no small amount of satisfaction when Steve lets out a pained ‘oof’ for their efforts.

     Bucky Barnes speaks to Darcy Lewis again later that same day. She’s slouching on the sofa in the common room and watching Agent Carver (which Bucky vaguely thinks is based on the woman named Peggy Carter) while eating out of a blue bag of triangular chips. The Winter Soldier thinks this is contradictory to her earlier workout and wonders if Natalia knows.  
     “Steve?” She offers the bag of chips to him without looking away from the large screen in front of her. Bucky Barnes looks around confused when he realizes that she is, indeed, talking to him.  
     “Um, no. Bucky.” He corrects pointing at his chest. Now Darcy Lewis does look at him, brow furrowed in the same confusion he’d had moments ago. Then her face clears in realization and she lets out a laugh.  
     “No, no,” she shakes the bag at him, “do you want a ‘Steve’. I mean they’re called Doritos but I call them ‘Steves’.”  
     Bucky Barnes looks between the bag of chips and her face, wondering if this is some sort of weird metaphor.  
     “…Why….?” He wonders. And that feeling is new. Wondering. The Winter Soldier is half scared he will be punished for the question but Darcy just gets a devious smile on her face and pats the couch cushion next to her. Winter Soldier does not think this is reassuring. Bucky Barnes narrows his eyes at her but sits anyway.  
     “I could tell you the answer to that question but it will be so much more fun if I show you.” She digs around in the bag of chips for a second before coming up with one that more or less resembles the ‘Dorito’ on the front of the bag.  
     “Here, hold this but don’t eat it yet.” She says, handing it to him. “JARVIS?”  
     “Yes, Miss Lewis?”  
     “Is Steve busy? If not could you tell him Bucky and I need him in the common room?”  
     There was a pause and then, “Your message has been relayed, Miss Lewis. Captain Rogers is on his way to your location.”  
     “Um.” Bucky Barnes says.  
     “Relax, Barnes, you need to see this. It’s mandatory for all Avengers members.” She says eating more chips and looking towards the doorway.  
     The Winter Soldier would like to correct her. To tell her that he is not an Avenger and that the Winter Soldier has only ever worked alone but something in Bucky Barnes’ throat closes up a little and his chest gets tight and warm. The Winter Soldier thinks he should be alarmed by this but has no time to be as Steve Rogers walks through the doorway with a look of concern on his face that immediately turns to suspicion when he sees Darcy Lewis. The Winter Soldier feels weirdly impressed that Darcy Lewis warrants more suspicion from Captain America than he does.  
     Darcy Lewis bounds up from the couch and grabs Steve’s arm pulling him into the middle of the room. Steve still looks suspicious but goes with her anyway which Winter Soldier thinks is dumb of him and realizes that this is probably what Natalia meant when she said that Darcy Lewis often steamrolls right over Steve Rogers. Bucky Barnes is amused.  
     “Okay, Steve. Put your hands on your hips and stay right there okay?” She tells him, backing up to the couch and sitting back next to Bucky. Steve complies which the Winter Soldier once again thinks is dumb of him.  
     “Darcy, what is this abou—“ Steve’s eyes widen when he catches sight of the bag of ‘Doritos’ by him on the sofa and he groans.  
     “Come on, Darcy really?”  
     “Shh! Quiet, Steven. This is for the greater good. Bucky needs to know!” She insists.  
     “No, he doesn’t,” Steve Rogers mutters.  
     “Know what?” Bucky Barnes asks and Steve seems surprised that he would.  
     “Um.” Steve says and he blushes a little.  
     “The reason I call these chips ‘Steves’, that’s what,” Darcy Lewis holds one chip up in front of her line of sight to Steve and closes one eye. Bucky Barnes follows her lead. Steve Rogers sighs exasperatedly. The Winter Soldier thinks they are all very dumb.  
     It only takes Bucky Barnes half a second to understand what Darcy Lewis is getting at. Steve Rogers’ torso lines up almost perfectly with the ‘Dorito’ and he laughs. Steve sighs again but this time he smiles fondly too. Darcy’s self-satisfied smirk gives Bucky Barnes another warm feeling and the Winter Soldier still thinks they are all very dumb, but finds himself reconsidering the girl next to him once again.  
     Bucky Barnes starts calling Doritos ‘Steves’ as well, much to actual Steve’s chagrin.


	3. 5,6 Pick Up Sticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What? Like you totally wouldn’t get your rocks off to Thor coming in to save you from a circle of viscous, robot grizzly bears? Sure, Jane.” 
> 
> “Well, yeah but I wouldn’t say it out loud!” the woman named Jane answers in a strangled voice, “and besides I think these are black bears? I don’t know. They don’t look tall enough to be grizzlies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who Darcy's dad is? Probably. Half the fandom already has.

      The next time he sees Darcy Lewis, she’s outside the tower during an avengers’ emergency where she absolutely should not be. She’s standing back to back with a brunette woman wearing a lab coat who is miraculously shorter than she is. Darcy Lewis is brandishing what appears to be a Taser and the other woman has an aluminum baseball bat. They’re surrounded by the villain-of-the-day’s weird robot bears.  
     Robot.  
     Bears.  
     Bucky Barnes is cursing up a storm in at least twelve languages and the Winter Soldier finds himself surprisingly terrified of something that isn’t The Chair and isn’t the man named Steve Rogers waking up one day and finally hating him. And also isn’t Natalia. Because let’s be honest (which Winter Soldier rarely is) she’s fucking terrifying.  
     The Winter Soldier doesn’t remember moving—which isn’t too strange to him considering he doesn’t usually remember anything at all—but next thing he knows he’s taken down five of the eight bears and is standing in between Darcy Lewis and the rest of the world.  
     “Yooooo! I’m not gonna lie, snowflake, that was pretty hot,” Darcy says from behind him and the other woman snorts.  
     “What? Like you totally wouldn’t get your rocks off to Thor coming in to save you from a circle of viscous, robot grizzly bears? Sure, Jane.”  
     “Well, yeah but I wouldn’t say it out loud!” the woman named Jane answers in a strangled voice, “and besides I think these are black bears? I don’t know. They don’t look tall enough to be grizzlies.”  
     “What? No, they’re totally grizzlies.”  
     “No they’re not! Besides, how would you even know that?”  
     “Well, how would _you_ even know that?”  
     “Can we please shelve this discussion for a later date when we’re not all in immediate danger, huh?!” Bucky Barnes shouts at them, irritated. The Winter Soldier secretly thinks the woman named Jane is right, though. These bears aren’t big enough to be grizzlies. He would know. He wrestled one once.  
     “Well, sure but if it’s a date you want from me, I’m not sure how comfortable I’m gonna be including my boss-slash-bestie. Besides Thor would totally kill you for her.”  
     Bucky Barnes trips and nearly has his arm torn off (the left one thankfully) by one of the robot grizzlies. He dispatches it quickly and turns around to see Darcy Lewis smirking at him knowingly. Bucky Barnes grins back.  
     “Can’t say it’s a shame that it’ll be just you and me then, doll.” He throws back over his shoulder. He sees Darcy blush in his peripheral vision and grins wider. The Winter Soldier returns to his task of eliminating the enemy units.  
     Later, after they’ve all returned to the tower and Bucky drags his tired ass to his and Steve’s apartment, he finds a note on the apartment door.  
          ** _‘Snowflake,_**  
**_Dinner? Saturday night 7:00. Casual. My apartment. I’m cooking._**  
**_Darcy Lewis, Esquire.’_**  
     There’s a small cartoon drawing of him fighting a robot bear in the bottom corner. The Winter Soldier notes that it is very inaccurate. Bucky Barnes doesn’t care and can’t stop smiling the rest of the day.

     The Winter Soldier sees Darcy Lewis (esquire— _stop it_ ) later that night, cooking. It is definitely not a normal hour at which most people would eat a meal. He thinks. The Winter Soldier checks the oven clock. 2:34 AM. No, Bucky Barnes assures him, definitely not.  
     Winter Soldier no longer fears Darcy Lewis getting angry at him for asking questions, so:  
     “What are you doing?”  
     “Holy _Shit balls_ On Fire what the FUCK?!?” Darcy Lewis drops the pan she was holding and spins around clutching at her chest. She breathes heavily for a moment and Winter Soldier wonders if she’s been keeping up with Natalia’s training regimen at all. Bucky Barnes informs him that he should probably not ask her that outright.  
     “Snowflake, yo, can you do me a favor and make some sort of noise next time you come into a room? Because damn, dude. I think I just lost, like, ten years off my life.”  
     “I’m sorry.” The Winter Soldier furrows his brow. He’d frightened her. He doesn’t remember ever frightening her before, not even when he was fighting giant robot grizzly bears. Darcy Lewis’ face gets a soft look on it and she smiles at him.  
     “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. You're fine. We’re all good here,” she says and bends down to pick up the tray. She pauses and looks back up at him with concern, “Wait, you’re good, right?”  
     Winter Soldier confirms this with a nod. Bucky Barnes flashes her a smile to reassure her as well.  
     “So, what brings you down here on this fine…morning? Holy Shit it’s two in the morning,” Darcy Lewis mutters more to herself than him. It occurs to the Winter Soldier that Darcy Lewis has lost track of time and he wonders how long she’s been down here alone. They stare at each other for a second and he realizes she still expects him to answer the question.  
     “Um.” Bucky Barnes replies uncertainly.  
     “The bed is too soft,” the Winter Soldier reports. Darcy hums in understanding.  
     “Yeah, my dad had the same problem when he came back from Afghanistan.” She returns to her task of baking what the Soldier concludes are cupcakes judging by the pile already iced and sitting on the counter. She catches him staring at them and waves a hand to encompass the growing pile.  
     “I had a nightmare and couldn’t sleep so I came down to bake. Want a cupcake, cupcake?” She offers him a nearby tray of baked goods. Bucky Barnes notes that they are chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and reminds the Winter Soldier that this kind is their favorite. The Winter Soldier takes one to shut him up and focuses back on Darcy.  
     “Do you want to talk about it?” Bucky Barnes offers. Darcy Lewis stops stirring batter and mixing ingredients but she doesn’t look at him.  
     “It’s stupid,” she mutters. The Winter Soldier does not believe this to be the case and he says so. Now she does look at him, considering.  
     “It’s just—it’s Puente Antigua and the Destroyer or London and the Dark Elves and it’s not even that they’re after me in particular I’m just scared and-and Jane’s not there so I’m alone and nothing really happens but I wake up crying anyway—and it’s stupid because I think about what Jane went through with the Ether or Thor and his brother, hell you and Steve could write a book, Natasha could make a movie trilogy and knock-off television series but none of you ever complain and you all have it so much worse than I ever did so…I’m sorry” and she’s said it all in one breath which the Winter Soldier would find impressive if Bucky Barnes weren’t so concerned.  
     “Don’t apologize, Darcy,” Bucky says, “those things happened to you and they’re real. They’re important because they made you upset and put you in danger. It doesn’t matter that what happened to me or Steve or Natasha or any of the others is somehow worse. Pain isn’t a competition. It’s just pain and we’re supposed to comfort people in pain whether it’s a paper-cut or a missing limb.”  
     And he’s not sure where he heard that from but he has the vague memory of his mother rocking him after his own nightmares and telling him the same. That just because it was a kid’s nightmare didn’t make it any less important than an adult’s nightmare. They’re both still _nightmares_.  
     He smiles at Darcy and she stares at him for a moment before asking if she can hug him.  
     “Anyway I can get you in my arms, doll,” Bucky Barnes allows and opens said arms up. The Winter Soldier makes sure to set the cupcake down before embracing a shivering Darcy Lewis.


	4. 7,8 Lay Them Straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Augh! Stop!” Darcy Lewis growls at the ceiling, throwing her hands up in frustration, “That’s it! They’re gonna pay!”
> 
> “Would you like help?” The Winter Soldier offers with a feral grin. Darcy Lewis mirrors this grin back at him and Bucky Barnes is a little scared. And also a little turned on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint Barton probably gets on Kate's nerves with lots of memes. I think Kate and Darcy would be excellent friends.

     The day of the highly anticipated date arrives and Bucky Barnes changes his pants-shirt combo seven times. He paces for approximately two hours and Steve asks him six different times if he’s alright. Bucky Barnes snaps that yes, he’s fine. Just a little nervous. The Winter Soldier reminds him that he has the skill set that will allow him to get Darcy Lewis into bed without any problems and Bucky Barnes tells him to shove his skill set up his ass.  
     They arrive in front of Darcy’s apartment door at exactly 1900 hours and Bucky Barnes runs his hand down the front of his shirt one last time before knocking. Darcy Lewis answers the door.  
     Bucky Barnes loses the ability to speak. The Winter Soldier is alarmed because usually he would rely on Bucky to handle these sort of situations. He’s thinking very seriously about aborting the mission when Darcy Lewis opens her gorgeous red lips.  
     “Hey, handsome, I’m just finishing up dinner. Come on in,” she tells them with a look through her lashes. Bucky Barnes swoons but he also follows her inside so the Winter Soldier thinks this might just be salvageable after all.  
     Darcy Lewis leads them to the kitchen of her very nice apartment and the Winter Soldier wonders why someone who’s only an intern and assistant could swing something grander than Captain America himself. Bucky Barnes tells him to keep it to himself much like he told Winter Soldier to ‘keep it to himself’ about Natalia’s training regimen. The Winter Soldier complies but still thinks it is a legitimate concern.  
     “Aren’t you worried at all?” Bucky Barnes asks.  
     “About…?” She looks at him over her bare shoulder as she turns off the stove and Bucky Barnes nearly swoons again.  
     “Clint Barton said you were on ‘his list’,” The Winter Soldier replies. He looks around the apartment and makes note of possible entrances and exits. He counts the ventilation covers and makes a note to himself to check for tampering when she leaves him alone. Darcy Lewis laughs.  
     “Yeah, but ‘his list’ includes a dog and a frozen pizza company so I’m not too concerned,” she says pulling out a piece of paper with Barton’s writing. The Winter Soldier wonders if she had help getting this from the master spy or if she did it herself. “Also, it turns into a grocery list halfway down? So. Yeah.”  
     The Winter Soldier takes the list from her proffered hand and reads that it does indeed turn into what appears to be a grocery list, contains only the names Darcy Lewis and Kate Bishop, and includes something called ‘pizza dog’ and ‘Red Baron Pizza’. Winter Soldier finds himself reevaluating the intelligence of his fellow marksman. Especially since it is literally titled ‘Hawkeye Alpha’s super-secret hit list’. Bucky Barnes puts the list down on the closest counter, shaking his head.  
     “So,” he shoots her a grin, “what’s for dinner, doll?” Her answering smile makes both Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier warm. Which is quite the feat.  
     Dinner goes off without a hitch and Bucky Barnes does not lose the ability to speak for the rest of the night. In fact, if anything he loses the ability to shut up. But Soldier lets it slide because Darcy seems to be enjoying all the stories Bucky brings up. She even tells a few of her own stories about college and Jane and Thor. About the time she sarcastically said she wanted a pony for her birthday and her dad bought her an entire equestrian farm. Winter Soldier memorizes each detail with the same importance he would lay on a mark or mission parameters.  
     At one point in the evening, as dishes are being put away, Bucky Barnes somehow admits to never having seen Pocahontas which Darcy declares is a crime. The Winter Soldier is worried for a second because he’s pretty sure he’s no longer supposed to be committing crimes but Bucky Barnes assures him that Darcy doesn’t mean that literally.  
     “Yo, JARVIS,” she says, pulling Bucky into the living room and pushing him down on the couch, “queue up Pocahontas for us, will you?” She takes a seat next to him and curls into his side. Both Bucky and Soldier preen a little at this.  
     “Of course……………Slime man.”  
     “Um, what?” Darcy questions looking at the ceiling as if she could see the AI there. She is very confused.  
     “My apologies……………Slime man, it appears that someone has tampered with my coding. They have replaced………….Slime man with approximately eight periods and the words ‘slime man’.”  
     Darcy still seems very confused by this and for his part the Winter Soldier is a little concerned about how easy it was for someone to tamper with the buildings AI. Then Darcy gets this look on her face and Bucky Barnes thinks that he should be more concerned with the fact that Darcy Lewis may end up arrested for homicide. Winter Soldier assures Bucky that he wouldn’t let that happen. He knows plenty of ways to get rid of dead bodies and evidence. Bucky Barnes thinks Winter Soldier is missing the point.  
     “J, this…tamper-er…his name wouldn’t happen to rhyme with ‘lint carton’, would it?”  
     “One of them would, yes………Slime man.”  
     “And the other might possibly rhyme with ‘Coney lark’?”  
     “It’s possible that is so……..Slime man.”  
     “Alright, you’ve got to stop calling me that.”  
     “It appears that I cannot…….Slime man.”  
     Darcy lets out a frustrated groan and puts her head in her hands. Silence falls and Bucky thinks they’re probably not going to get around to watching Pocahontas.  
     “Can you call her by another name?” Bucky suggests. There was a pause as JARVIS processed this.  
     “No, it seems that there is no way to substitute another name for……..Slime man.”  
     “Augh! Stop!” Darcy Lewis growls at the ceiling, throwing her hands up in frustration, “That’s it! They’re gonna pay!”  
     “Would you like help?” The Winter Soldier offers with a feral grin. Darcy Lewis mirrors this grin back at him and Bucky Barnes is a little scared. And also a little turned on.  
     “Well, if you’re offering…,” she bats her lashes at him before hoping up from the couch and heading for the kitchen, “but we may need some back-up for what I have planned.”  
     The Winter Soldier is a little offended because he can be whatever back-up she needs and Bucky is impressed that she has a plan already but she just smiles at him again and plucks the ‘Hawkeye Alpha’s super-secret hit list’ list off the counter.  
     “So, what did you have in mind, doll?” Bucky asks, leaning on the counter and looking up at her through his lashes this time.  
     She blushes prettily and seems to forget what she was doing (ha!). Then she shakes her head and waves the list at him.  
     “Well, first we need to get in contact with Kate Bishop.”

     Bucky Barnes doesn’t see her again after that due to a Jane emergency that sent both of the girls to France. However, he does get to see their handy work about a week later during yet another Avengers’ emergency. He, Steve, Natasha, and Sam are busy battling the villain-of-the-days weird giant-sentient-caterpillars-that-spit-acid when Iron Man comes flying in from the east. Everybody stops. The avengers stop, the villain stops, the caterpillars stop, and the civilians stop running for their lives. Nobody says anything and then—  
     “That’s a nice look, Tony,” Natasha says and that’s it. No one can take it. Everyone is laughing. Even the caterpillars are making some weird chortling noise which is frankly a bit disturbing.  
     Iron Man’s suit is bubble-gum pink, covered in glitter, and has a Hello Kitty utility belt and bow.  
     Later, after the fighting picks up again, they find out that every time he shoots his repulsion beams at the baddies, his suit makes meowing noises. The Captain would tell Tony to sit this one out because he’s being too much of a distraction but he can’t seem to get the words out in between peals of laughter so Tony and his meowing suit stay.  
     And then it gets infinitely better when Clint shows up in his own Hello Kitty suit. It’s completely bejeweled and his bow sings the Hello Kitty theme song whenever he shoots.  
     The Winter Soldier makes a mental note to never ever get on either Darcy Lewis’ or Kate Bishop’s bad side.


	5. 9, 10 A Big Fat Hen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Darcy, you’re quoting Harry Potter.”
> 
> “Quiet, Jane! This is Important!” and then Darcy Lewis throws up again. All over the Winter Soldier’s boots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last one is a bit more serious than the others were, sorry.

     A few days later the Jane Emergency in France turns into an actual emergency when HYDRA gets a hold of both the astrophysicist and her intern. The team receives a pre-recorded video dated two days ago showing both women tied to chairs looking dirty and beat up. Darcy Lewis is, of course, mouthing off and gets back-handed across the face for her troubles. Bucky Barnes sees red and the Winter Soldier memorizes the perpetrator’s face and thinks of six of the most drawn out and painful ways he can kill him. He adds six more when the man grabs her roughly by her hair and pulls her into sitting up straight again. Jane starts screaming at them angrily and the man who seems to be the leader reminds her that Darcy Lewis is expendable and that if she didn’t want Darcy Lewis dead she’d best shut up.  
     The Winter Soldier thinks he will keep this man alive for a few weeks before finally letting him die.  
     It takes Tony Stark less than an hour to figure out where the women are being held and less than ten more minutes for the entire team to be on a StarkJet headed for France. Both Bucky Barnes and Winter Soldier are scared out of their mind about the situation. Not because they’re willingly returning to the clutches of HYDRA, not because it’s dangerous, but because there is a big chance they could lose Darcy Lewis.  
     It turns out, they probably didn’t have to worry.  
     When they get there, the Captain sets up a strategy that will allow the Winter Soldier and Black Widow to infiltrate the facility while the rest create a distraction and provide back-up. The two assassins come in through the roof of the warehouse and weave through three corridors, eliminating sixteen HYDRA agents on their way through the facility. They don’t make it to the cells that the two women are seemingly being held in because there, on the catwalk above the burning Hydra hangar, not twenty feet in front of him, Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster are screaming at each other and gesturing wildly at the burning room below them. Darcy Lewis sways on her feet for a moment and then leans over the rail of the catwalk to puke. Jane Foster looks away and appears to be trying not to get sympathy-sick.  
     Bucky Barnes is before Darcy in an instant gripping her elbows and turning her to face him, checking frantically but thoroughly for any injuries. She has no visible wounds besides a black eye and a split lip. The Winter Soldier thinks of the man in the video and narrows his eyes.  
     Jane Foster must have recognized the look on his face because she quickly reassures him: “Don’t worry, Darcy set that asshole on fire.”  
     Bucky Barnes thinks that he actually should be worried about this and Winter Soldier is a little upset that he didn’t get to do it himself but nonetheless is proud of Darcy Lewis.  
     Now, Darcy seems to gain some lucidity because she looks him in the eye and then squints and puffs her cheeks out. For a second, Bucky thinks that she might be getting sick again but she just yells at him instead.  
     “You! Where have you been?! I am concussed! Jane has a broken leg! Car missing! No note! Beds empty!” she slurs.  
     “Darcy, you’re quoting Harry Potter.”  
     “Quiet, Jane! This is Important!” and then Darcy Lewis throws up again. All over the Winter Soldier’s boots.  
     Bucky Barnes sighs with relief that she is alive but also kind of disgust because he likes these boots. Obviously not as much as he likes Darcy Lewis. But still.  
     He carries her to the extraction point where the rest of the team are already waiting, calling in Coulson for clean-up. Surprisingly, it’s Iron Man that approaches him, flipping his mask up and looking Darcy over with concern.  
     “Jesus Christ, kid,” he says, gloved hand hovering over her head, “you almost gave me a heart attack!”  
     Darcy looks up at Tony Stark blearily and smiles in what she probably thinks is a reassuring manner but actually makes her look a little dumb.  
     “Well, I mean, you are getting up there in age, dad. You might just have a heart attack regardless.” And Bucky Barnes absolutely did not see that one coming though, now that he thinks about it, he probably should have.  
     “You take that back!” Tony Stark, Darcy’s father, gasps while faking a scandalized demeanor. Darcy giggles and then seems to remember something.  
     “Oh yeah, by the way,” she says, digging a hand in her bra and coming up with a flash drive, “I got you guys a present.”  
     Bucky Barnes almost wants to be angry that she would stop to gather information while trying to escape and the Winter Soldier almost wants to agree but would like to point out that the flash drive may have the whereabouts of one HYDRA leader who may or may not have called Darcy Lewis-actually-Stark expendable. Bucky Barnes wisely says nothing about it.  
     “That’s great, kid, but I think it’s probably best that we get you inside the jet and get your head checked out, yeah?” Tony Stark looks at Bucky Barnes meaningfully and nods his head towards the open jet bay.  
     For the next six hours neither Bucky Barnes nor the Winter Soldier let go of Darcy Lewis-actually-Stark. He doesn’t even put her down to walk on her own and is just barely talked out of going into the bathroom with her. When they get back to the tower, Winter Soldier carries her back to her room and checks the perimeter twice and then sits by her bed and doesn’t leave for the rest of the night. Thankfully, she never asks him to. She does scoot over and lift the covers in an obvious invitation. Bucky Barnes smiles and slips in next to her, curling around her body and falling asleep to the steady sound of her breathing.  
     Later, they use the information that Darcy got to take down an entire two branches of HYDRA. They really didn’t know what they were getting into with her, did they?

     The Winter Soldier would like to revise and resubmit his first threat assessment of Darcy Lewis-actually-Stark, intern and best friend of Doctor Jane Foster, assistant to Pepper Potts, daughter of Iron Man, training partner and friend of Black Widow, shield-sister of the God of Thunder, movie buddy of Captain America, prank war adversary of Hawkeye, beloved of Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier, and all around good gal. Esquire.  
     She is 100% a threat.  
     Not to him and not to any of his allies. But to HYDRA, AIM, or anyone else who endangers those she considers hers, she is absolutely a threat. She’s inventive, smart, a great strategist, cunning, charming, disarming, determined, morally ambiguous at best, resourceful, incredibly rich, loyal, protective, courageous, brave, just the right amount of reckless, and possessive of what’s hers.  
     And the Avengers are hers. Jane is hers, Pepper is hers, Kate Bishop is hers, but most importantly Bucky Barnes and The Winter Soldier is _hers_. Neither Bucky Barnes nor the Winter Soldier will admit to how much they like _belonging_ to Darcy Lewis but not being _owned_ by Darcy Lewis. How much it means to Bucky Barnes that she is always there and always wants to know about his day. Wants to protect him, wants to know his opinion, wants him to _have_ an opinion, and wants to make him happy in the same way he wants to make her happy.  
     Constantly and for a very, very long time.  
     The Winter Soldier would like to add that she has an amazing everything. Bucky Barnes is inclined to agree.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I have EVER written. Ever. Please be kind and comment about what you thought. I'm virtually begging you.


End file.
